Of a certain age
Anti-aging is on its way out as a phrase used in beauty and cosmetics marketing.
We all age, and that's good news because if we don't age we are dead or some freaky anomaly of nature. As long as I have been alive -- and that's quite a while if I am being honest and even if I am not being honest -- someone has been trying to sell me something to make me look younger. Easy and breezy.
The thing is that now I really don't mind being sold stuff that makes me look younger. It's OK to tell me a product will make my skin soft and smooth. Tell me it's anti-aging; I am sophisticated enough to get the meaning.
I just wish someone somewhere spent more time figuring out a way to help me feel younger and sell me that. And by feeling younger I mean I want something that relieves the myriad of symptoms that come with aging as a live woman.
Everyone talks about fighting wrinkles. Menopause is an evil beast that hardly anyone talks about.
Women seem hesitant to bring it up unless they are trudging through the shit-show that is hot flashes, mood swings, insomnia and night sweats themselves. Even then, it's seldom a brunch topic.
Are only young women having brunch? We should fix that. Note to self: Organize a menopause brunch.
When the symptoms started I tried a prescribed hormone patch, It didn't help my symptoms but it did increase my chances of breast cancer so, hard pass on HRT for me.
Now after four years of battling through unprovoked crying jags, sleepless nights and invisible infernos raging in neck and after trying every ridiculous tip and every herbal supplement, I accept there's not much I can do for relief except carry a personal fan everywhere I go.
I wish some cosmetic executive would stop inventing yet another moisturizer and invent a new hot-flash relief cream because I would buy a truckload of that kind of anti-aging.
Enduring personal volcanic eruptions day and night is only one head of this ugly serpent. You get to watch your waist expand so rapidly you can't buy jeans fast enough to keep up. Ever wonder why "old lady" clothes includes so many elastic-waist pant options?
According to WebMD -- where I get all my answers to "is this cancer or just a rash?" -- weight gain is a symptom of aging, not necessarily menopause. OK, maybe. But it sure seems like rapid weight gain is a remora swimming in tandem with the woman-eating shark that is menopause.
According the my PCP, the only thing women can do about the pounds that pile on during menopause is exercise more, eat less, avoid restaurants and give up sugar. Oh, and reduce stress.
I am pretty sure that's how everyone at every age is told to lose weight. And if I give up everything that makes life worth living, then how exactly does the stress go down?
That's where the wellness part of this blog comes in. I am not as concerned about weight because I don't look as cute as I did four years ago, although sure, I would like to look cute again.
My concern is that right now I am very healthy: no heart disease, no diabetes, no osteoporosis.
And that's they way, uh huh uh huh, I like it.
So as much as I have been focused on tasty food lately, I am going to start poring through my cookbooks looking for tasty and light. More salads, less pizza. Sad face.
The next two weeks will be a big challenge because there are a couple of trips, a conference and mini vacation on the calendar. I hope I can make good choices when I don't have a kitchen under my control.
Except that hope is not a plan.
Time to make a plan.
And remember to pack my personal fan. And my new favorite anti-aging cream.
